10 Ways To Meet Your Needs And Make Others Happy At The Same Time…

“Happiness is a choice that requires efforts at times.”-Aeschylus.

Making choices is a hard thing to do. What could be even harder than that? Saying “no”, if you are a people-pleaser.

Some of us are hardwired with the need to say yes all the time which puts us in hard situations at times. When it is about either meeting your needs or pleasing others, you find yourself in a tricky situation.

You are afraid of being rude and you want to help because you are a kind soul. You don’t want to decline any requests you get but also you have your own needs to fulfill. The moment feels like it’s a “lose-lose” situation whichever option you choose. Finding a way out of such situations is a tough job.

Here below are some ways to meet your needs and make others happy at the same time.

1. Know the difference between self-care and selfishness

You don’t want to look selfish when you decline a request but self-care isn’t selfishness. Avoiding stressful moments isn’t selfishness – rather it is self-care. Selfishness is when you indulge too much in yourself without caring for the strings attached to you.

It isn’t healthy if you keep ignoring your own needs just because you are too good to say “no” or you have picked up a habit of saying “yes” to everything. You can’t care for others if you don’t take care of yourself first.

2. Realize that you have a choice

When you find yourself in a situation, reluctant to say “no” to a request, the first thing you should bear in mind is that you are free to make your own choice.

You don’t always have to say “yes” to propositions that conflict with your needs. You can choose to say “no” and any reasonable person will respect your choice. The choice is yours. You don’t really need to sacrifice your needs to make others happy. It’s just that you need a little self-care at the moment so that you can be of much more help to them in the future.

3. Propose something else

Now that you have made your choice to decline the request, everything else from that moment onwards depends only on the way you present your choice to the other party. Support your decision with good reasons and suggest something else to help.

This shows your willingness to help but unfortunately, you can’t take them up on their request. The notion is to keep everyone happy. If you can’t give your time to the request, perhaps suggest someone else who could tend to it. That ought to keep your nose out of it.

4. Present yourself non-aggressively

You have to make sure that you choose only the polite words as you explain yourself to the other person. Sometimes, pushy people tend to get on our nerves but presenting yourself angry and aggressive will certainly play against you in any situation. It is not different in this situation.

It would be wise to avoid dealing with such people. The wiser thing to do would be to anticipate the request and to decline it gently before they even get the opportunity to put it through to you. Anger is the worst enemy of mankind. Keep calm at all times and tackle the situation with your wit.

5. Understand that you are of equal worth to anybody else

Do not undermine yourself. You don’t have to agree to everything that other people say just because you feel that they are worth more than yourself. That’s the first step towards your peace of mind. Do not succumb to bullying or whining. If you don’t respect yourself, it opens the door for others to disrespect you as well.

We have been taught to “give” and “love” and never to expect anything from anyone, but you can always give and love and expect everything from yourself. Know your worth and don’t be afraid to reject requests at times when it matters.

6. Set priorities and clear boundaries

Ask yourself “What are the most important things to me?” – then schedule them accordingly. Knowing your priorities helps you take the right decision.

A rather clinical approach to take care of the situation would be to weight your needs against the need of the other party and decide on whichever option is likely to bring the greater value of happiness. Know your limits and set boundaries to keep yourself within your comfort zone.

7. Be assertive

Assertiveness is the character of leaders. When you voice out your thoughts with a good deal of assertion, you paint a good image of yourself in people’s mind. Then, people tend to go with whatever you say. Be firm and not very apologetic. Your strong persona does all the work for you here.

But if your statements seem to lack respect, it backfires on you. People take it for rudeness. So, make sure you are being polite and respectful. It helps a lot if you practice choosing the right words for the right scenario.

8. Understand that the happier you are, the more capable you are of making others happy

A positive energy radiates out when you are happy. Happiness is contagious.

Try and be happy with the choices you make. Happy people make other people happy. If you don’t make yourself happy first, you won’t be able to make anyone else happy. When your loved ones see you happy, it brings happiness in them as well.

9. Learn and accept the fact that sometimes making compromise is a must

Understand that sometimes compromises must be made. It’s all a matter of priorities. If for instance, you’re busy building your website, that’s clearly important. But what if your friend calls in that his home is on fire and he needs you to help? That’s not only important but also urgent. So you have to leave your job and compromise. In other words, sometimes what people are asking of you could be of higher priority to be attended to than your own needs.

You should make a compromise if the request outweighs your needs. Buddha said, “Being generous, just helping one’s relatives and being blameless in one’s actions; this is the best good luck”

10. Go easy on yourself

Realize that you can’t be everything to everyone. Acknowledge that you can’t do everything, after all, everybody has limits. Explain your reasons sincerely. Keep it simple and go easy on yourself.

Avoid the self-conflict by being sincere to yourself. Self-soothe by telling yourself that “what I did is in the best interest of everybody”. You’ll do just fine in every situation.

5 Ways to Defeat The Stubborn Negative Thoughts in Your Mind…

“Every thought we think is creating our future.” Louise L. Hay

If your thoughts are focused on negativity, this quote is enough to scare the wits out of you. But, that’s actually a good thing. When you’re aware that negative thoughts are creating strangling weeds rather than blooming roses in your future, you’ve taken the first step towards defeating them.

With a few, simple techniques, that nasty voice in your head will soon learn to behave itself. None of us will ever entirely eradicate negative thoughts — these are a natural and sometimes necessary reaction to external influences. However, we can decide to put a leash on them. By doing this, we turn them around and focus on the silver lining in everything.

1. Investigate Your Thoughts

Think about those times when you’re driving to work on a well-worn route and you realize, after you arrive, that you can’t even remember getting there. When we’re in auto-pilot mode with our thoughts, we leave ourselves open to invasions of negativity, as we do to car accidents if we don’t concentrate on the road.

You can limit auto-pilot thinking by starting each day with the intention of becoming aware of your thoughts. If, for example, you have a habit of cringing when you look in the mirror and unleashing a torrent of self-critical thoughts, use that as your first investigation of the day.

Ask yourself how those thoughts are helping you. This will lead to the knowledge that they are, in fact, destroying your confidence. Why would you want to do that to yourself, when you can just as easily think about your good points? Once you’ve recognized the pattern, write an affirmation on the mirror, such as: “I am beautiful inside and out.” Then, do it again.

You might feel silly at first, but the practice will act like a magic eraser to banish negative thoughts.

2. Flood Your Mind With Positivity

It doesn’t matter if you hate your job, don’t get along with your flat mates, fight with your family or can’t lose weight to save yourself, you can still put steps into place to flood your mind with “positivity”. A flood washes away everything it makes contact with — in this case, your negative thoughts.

Start by introducing simple, yet effective activities into your life, every single day, to enhance positive thinking. These can include reading stimulating and inspiring books before you go to sleep, getting out into nature every day, giving yourself the luxury of having a long, hot bath, seeking out friends who support and encourage you, eating nourishing, delicious fresh food and expressing your creativity.

3. Focus On Creating

When we’re busy creating, our minds completely lose the ability to worry. It doesn’t matter if you’re painting, playing an instrument, writing, doing craft, cooking, building a shelf or gardening. Any or all creative activities lead you towards inspiring thoughts.

Better yet, they act as a spring board towards the momentum you need to lift you into positive thinking. Momentum, in this sense, means that you need to have at least one positive thought in order to attract a spiral of them. Next time you find yourself wallowing down the wrong end of the spiral, get busy on a creative project of your choice and you’ll be on the up, before you know it.

4. Face Your Fears

Our negative thoughts are often a product of our fears and our fears create negative thoughts. This can be a never-ending cycle of self-sabotaging repetition, if we don’t commit to facing our fears and trying to overcome them. Nothing compares to experiencing the death of a fear by running at it head on. By doing so, we create space in our minds for new possibilities.

For example, if you have a fear of public speaking and it’s setting you back in your career, start off small by practicing by yourself in the mirror. Or, you could do a short course or gather a group of trusted friends to critique you and build your confidence. If you’re scared of dogs because you were bitten as a child, rather than subject your body to ‘fight or flight’ mode every time you see one, spend time with a dog whose owner you trust, in order to work through your pre-conditioned behaviour.

5. Embrace Silence to Find Clarity

In the world we live in, our minds don’t actually get to switch off, unless we make a concentrated effort to find the ‘off’ button. Where is the off button? It’s located in silence. You don’t have to be in a hilltop monastery to find peace, but you do have to turn the TV off, stop scrolling through the Facebook feed and understand that silence doesn’t mean boredom.

With so many choices for distractions, we constantly escape awareness of our thoughts by adding to them, with irritating (at best) and horrifying (at worst) external influences that feed negative thinking for advertising and commercial purposes. It’s important to empty all the rubbish that builds up in our minds, by acknowledging negative thoughts, letting them go and replacing them with positive ones.

The easiest way you can do this is to meditate. By calming all thoughts in your mind, you’re effectively doing a spring clean. By allowing space between your thoughts, you’re gaining clarity. By gaining clarity, you’re strengthening your ability to choose positive thoughts.

When you do that, you will have uncovered the key to health, harmony and happiness…simply by turning it in the opposite direction.

20 Quotes From Winston Churchill That Are Full of Wisdom…

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Many a quote gets attributed to Winston Churchill, the majority of them quite humorous. He was known for both his self-deprecation and his withering put-downs.  One of his most well-known exchanges, supposedly with a woman named Bessie Braddock, went as follows:

Braddock: “Sir, you are drunk.”

Churchill: “And you, Bessie, are ugly. But I shall be sober in the morning, and you will still be ugly.”

Of course, it’s unlikely this dialogue ever took place. But given Churchill’s wit, it’s fun to think it might have.

While it’s possible that Churchill didn’t use his trademark wittiness to put Braddock in her place, he did use it not only to guide the United Kingdom through World War II — but arguably the world as well. Today, 70 years after the end of WWII, his words of wisdom continue to make him one of modern history’s greatest communicators.

Here are 20 gems from Churchill’s repertoire that show not only his wit, but also his wisdom:

  1. “To build may have to be the slow and laborious task of years. To destroy can be the thoughtless act of a single day.”
  2. “To improve is to change, so to be perfect is to change often.”
  3. “The farther backward you can look, the farther forward you are likely to see.”
  4. “Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room.”
  5. “Personally I’m always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.”
  6. “Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.”
  7. “History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.”
  8. “Attitude is a little thing that makes a BIG difference.”
  9. “You have enemies? Good. It means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.”
  10. “Politics is the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month and next year. And to have the ability afterward to explain why it didn’t happen.”
  11. “Those who can win a war well can rarely make a good peace, and those who could make a good peace would never have won the war.”
  12. “What is adequacy? Adequacy is no standard at all.”
  13. “There is only one duty, only one safe course, and that is to try to be right and not to fear to do or say what you believe to be right.”
  14. “In the course of my life I have often had to eat my words, and I must confess that I have always found it a wholesome diet.”
  15. “The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes.”
  16. “If we open a quarrel between the past and the present we shall find that we have lost the future.”
  17. “It’s not enough that we do our best; sometimes we have to do what’s required.”
  18. “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak, it’s also what it takes to sit down and listen.”
  19. “Continuous effort — not strength or intelligence — is the key to unlocking our potential.”
  20. “If you have an important point to make, don’t try to be subtle or clever. Use a piledriver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time — a tremendous whack.”

Not only a great orator and wit, Churchill was also an accomplished artist and writer, producing novels, histories, and biographies as well as impressionist landscapes. He published under the name Winston S. Churchill and won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1953. He was also a hobbyist bricklayer and butterfly breeder!

8 Little Changes You Should Make Now For Your Lifelong Success…

Do you want to change your life so you can achieve lifelong success? Many people want to improve their lives but are unsure where they should start. However, you can change your life today and start working towards success and happiness — check out 8 little changes you should make here.

1. Start working on achieving a life-long dream

Most people have life goals, such as writing a book or starting their own business. These goals are hugely important to them, but yet they take a back seat so other demands can take priority. Don’t sell your dreams short — start working on achieving them today. Ask yourself these questions to get the ball rolling: What is my life-long dream? Can I start working on it now? What can I do this year to work towards my life-long dream?

2. Find a good sleeping pattern and stick to it

It may be tempting to stay up late and sleep in during your weekends, but oversleeping even for a few days can totally reset your sleeping cycle. Avoid getting tired later in the day and being less productive by making a change and getting up and going to sleep at a similar time every day. This also helps with most sleep issues, so there are many benefits to being consistent with your sleeping pattern.

3. Make saving money one of your priorities

One important change you need to make for lifelong success is making saving money one of your main priorities. Life is full of the unexpected, and it is important to have some money saved up for an emergency. If you never need the money for an unexpected problem, you can use the money as part of your retirement — a win-win situation.

4. Start exercising

Regular exercise has multiple benefits: it controls weight, improves mood, boosts energy, and combats disease and health issues. There are many different kinds of exercise you can consider, including running, swimming, walking, cycling, hiking, and weightlifting. This is a change you want to commit to for the rest of your life, so it is important to find an exercise you enjoy.

5. Stop comparing yourself to others

The world is filled with so many people with many different skills and talents. When you focus on how other people are doing, your own goals stop being your priority. Instead of being hard on yourself and thinking about the lives of others, focus on achieving your own goals and happiness.

6. Aim to learn something new every day

Learning doesn’t have to stop when you finish school. The world is filled with things you don’t know about, so focus on continuing to educate yourself. This is a great change to make as it can advance your area, open your mind, and even show you new perspectives. There are many ways you can educate yourself as an adult, from podcasts to seminars to reading a book.

7. Document your life

An important part of success is appreciating the good things in your life. From keeping a journal to taking pictures, there is great happiness in documenting life. When you are older, you will treasure being able to see your memories, and they will even be useful now. If you are feeling down after a tough day, looking over memories of happy times will help to put a smile back on your face.

8. Decide what you are passionate about

What does success mean to you? It is okay if you don’t know what you want to do with your life right now, but identifying your passions and values will help you to live a happy and successful life. If you are unsure where to start, sit down with a piece of paper and write down your priorities in life, what you think success means, and how you would like to improve your life. Good luck!